When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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