woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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