yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
