OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
