I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
