Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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