Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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