This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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