I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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