dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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