I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
