OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
