there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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