Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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