You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
