I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
