Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
