pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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