I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
