I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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