im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
