3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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