i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
