I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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