Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
