never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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