legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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