i just wanna soil my oats bro
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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