dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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