he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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