I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
