Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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