i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
