...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize