i already hear my dad disowning me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
