I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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