I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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