can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
