Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
