this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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