So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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