I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
