I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
