just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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