Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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