I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
