yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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