Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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