Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
