Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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