i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
