even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
