yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.