haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
