just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
