gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
