I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
