i just had sex bonerless
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
