I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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