ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
