Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
