hotel room ftw
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
