I skipped work to stalk him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
