highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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