I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
