the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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