When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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