You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
