hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
