i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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