I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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