maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
