He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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