he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
