see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
