I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found puke in my bra..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
