she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
