I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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