When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize