She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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